I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
