im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
