We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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