We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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