you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
