help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize