I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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