A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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