So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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