So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize