my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize