I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
