I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
