The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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