You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize