My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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