Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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