He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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