my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
