Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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