There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
