you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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