OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
