There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
