She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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