i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
