i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
