At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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