you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
