the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
