I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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