turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
