we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
