I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
