We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
