Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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