a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
