After last night, I could never be a politician.
Four minutes until I can fart!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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