It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
