She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
