i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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