She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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