So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize