thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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