Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize