It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My vagina is very pro this idea
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