her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
