LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you made out with another girl for some wings
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
