Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
