God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
