he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
