I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
