Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
