There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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