I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
