..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
