this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
