I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
