how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
