You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
