I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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