talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
